Saturday, December 17, 2005

10 oct
Finally, an update of all sorts. Lately been rather busy since school has started. The recent term tests had occupied up most of my time with the remaining time leaving me either feeling like resting or feeling the need to study for the tests. Now that the tests are more or less over, the tons of work waiting for me is quite a lot. Rather exhausting. Breaking has been great until I sprained my ankle doing a stupid halo. I thought that I was finally reaching upon somewhere when I was getting somewhere with my flares (finally), air freeze to air chair in the first of many times felt more doable, headspins never felt more smooth and I could put one leg up in the first step to drills. Then the injury got the better of me, or rather the worse. Now I cant even flare a proper round, something that I had been proud of, windmills are getting lousy, cant even air freeze, don talk abt halos, headspins tapping are getting from bad to worse. 5 flares by august and 1 airtrack by September was something that I thought I might achieve. Now I cant even toprock properly. With the tests and this thing happening, this week is the worse by far. Nevertheless, of all the bad things, I have got Jocelyn, the one balancing out all the bad stuff. Thank you darling~

Actually, I feel kinda scared about this sprain this time round. True that I have sprained my ankle countless times, but this time it feels kinda different. I really don know if I should stop breaking for real. Hmmm…

Kazumi is quite a headache lately, this morning, she decided not to start at all. Sian. Having a bike is supposed to convenient me, but seems to be another way now though. Got her repaired already. Last night was one night to remember. I had another race with a super four. Went all the way up to 165km/h but I think kazumi is really not in her prime anymore. The super four went up to at least 180 I think, but if it was kazumi last time, I doubt I will lose him but it was nice to feel that adrenaline rush again. Lately, fell in love with a ktm motard. Its actually a scrambler with road wheels. And now that Singapore seems to have loosen up on some regulations, the akrapovic exhaust systems have released street legal versions. It will be so great to have that orange motard complete with that exhaust system. But that wouls mean having to let kazumi go. Which is quite a pull at my heart strings. Though she gave me quite a headache sometimes, but I had so much fun with her. I have already put up a advertisement online already and yesterday one malay called to enquire about kazumi. Hopefully she will get a good owner ar.

21 oct
This is Friday already, haven been breaking for 6 days already, I feel normal actually. Knowing how I used to be unable to let go of breaking, this seems to be quite a surprise. But I think maybe I have yet to give it much thought coz of school and the motard had been taking up most of my thinking, haha. The leg is still rather pain and its not helping either. Never mind la. But I still got to mention ducky. Super awesome. Somehow I think he should be receiving more attention and more invitations to competitions like red bull bc1 or IBE. He is just the type of breakdancer that I want to be. Unique top rock, simple yet smooth footwork, can powermove quite well, the US version would still be little john. The will only be one ducky, one little john, one hongten and one machine.

16 nov.
Super fast, its already nov and I left with two days before my exams going to start and the first sem going to be over soon. So all these days been studying a lot. Hoprfully this studying will be useful. The other day was the paym xcursion comp at marina promenade. It was probably the worst comp that I have ever attended despite having taiwan’s HRC and japan’s kamata breakers to grace the event. All spectators had to stand outside the fence and watch the comp, so there wasn’t much cheering. Maybe there was, but I definitely wasn’t in the mood to cheer. Not even when a good move was made. Overall, I think HRC was not bad, just that they are not quite original, but they won the comp, so what can I say. My ankle still hurts quite a bit. I keep wondering if I hadn’t injured my ankle, would things be any different, will I be able to flare already? I so wanted to learn elbow tracks after getting flares. Looks like its never to be mine. Dec comp coming. Hope it will be a blast.

Looking out of the window, its such a perfect wed morning. But I have to go back to school to study with my friends. Not that I mind. Studying can be quite fun. If you can do all the problems, haha. So not that fun for me.

It is my birthday today. Sadly, I can count the number of people wishing me happy birthday with one hand, including friendster and neopets, haha. But the most important is that I know that I’m going to spend the day with my girlfriend tml after my exam, second last paper, cant wait for it to be over.

My darling got me a sennheiser headphones, the very one that I been wanting for ages. I love her so much. Thanks darling. Her birthday coming anyway. Going to surprise her hopefully.

I got to talk abt the step it up jam that I just went. It was awesome. First and foremost, props to inertia for organizing this comp, it really opened my eyes. So I got to buck it more, but the ankle is not really getting better, really sickening, but I’m going to push for it anyway. With this comp ending with so much that everyone learnt, I can only imagine how floorskills 4 is going to be like.

Darling’s birthday today. Bought her the nike bag that she wanted. Hope she likes it very much. Went for lunch and then she came over to my place and I gave her the cake that I made, oreo cheesecake. It was very tasty, too bad darling was a little sick, hope she had fun on her birthday though. The first time I ever made a cake, lucky my mum was not in Singapore, god knows wat shes going to say if she knows, coz I forgot her birthday this year and now I’m making a cake for my girlfriend. Haha, things guys are capable of doing.

So fast me and darling 6 mths together already. I cant remember the number of times that she cried. I stopped counting at 20. it seems rather bad, she seems never happy when she’s with me. I don know, just this month, I think I saw like 6, 7 times black face already, I know almost everytime that she cry or angry, its my fault. Maybe I’m not the best boyfriend that she can ever get. Maybe I’m not giving more than I know I can still give. But ever since that first girlfriend took and tore my heart away (think it was my fault also), I stopped crying. Looking back, its been almost 3 years and I’ve really not shed a tear. Then I told myself not to put in too much into any other relationship that I will ever get myself into. Den after two years, darling came along. Not really someone special until I got to know her better. I admit to today, I still hold back, cause I know the feeling of giving all and losing all. Not that darling is not worth me giving it all, shes worth me giving more than the first girlfriend, coz shes so much better. I don know, I’m sorry darling. Just got home from darling’s place. Helped her paint her room the whole day today. Quite tired. Just now, when I was in her room, her mum came in and asked her some questions. Darling kinda raised her voice. Den when her mummy went out, I felt this familiar rising urge to shout, to scream and to hit her. At that very instant, I knew wat was familiar. She reminded me of how my brother always talked to my mother in that manner. I remember when I was young, my mum would cane me whether I did that, now she just took it whenever my brother does it. I thought it was ok, till the day I saw her crying. The next time my brother did it, I asked him if he knew wat respect was. He gave me the fucking look and I gave him the fucking slap on his fucking face that gave him a nose bleed. That day on, I told myself I only have a sister and that was 5 years ago. I never forgave him for the disrespect that he showed my mother, the very woman that pushed me to work hard, so hard that I hated her till the day I got my o level results. That day I cried and told her thank you, mum. The very woman that gave her youth to nurturing me. I’m no saint either, i make her angry most of the time, my bike, my injuries from breakdancing, my time spending away from the family, my always wasting food coz of late nights home and so on, but I really cant remember the last time I raised my voice at her. Maybe because of that, I really hate it when people raised their voices or use that ‘my brother’ tone to talk to their parents, like that time Kelvin talked to his mum when he was playing dota. And today when darling did it, I asked her softly (I think so), “dar, why u so rude to your parents?” she looked at me and thought I was kiddin, I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. den we kinda had a cold war. Thinking about it now, I wasn’t understanding enough, she worked the whole day painting the room, probably from 10am to 12pm and she’s probably still doing it now and her mum comes in and asks some silly questions.

But, but its not strong an excuse enough is it? I don know. Sorry darling for making you cry again today. I really do love you.

So tired now. How…
gilbert at 9:29 AM [comment]

{I hear voices, voices only half as humane as mine..}